13 June



A year,shes been gone for a year. Feels more like a long month if I'm being honest,it's getting hard to remember when certain things happened. My brain is scrambled like a puzzle and I'm missing the only piece that kept it together.



I can barely type out a sentence without just staring at my screen until my vision becomes blurry. I can't walk out to the park without staring a hole into the pavement I cant do anything because shes not here I am left to waste my life when she could have still been living hers



I'm rambling again. My words are faster than my hands,it's hard to describe this feeling. I feel sad obviously but I'm angry? too. Not at Dahlia or myself. I can't word it in a way that makes sense,it's like there's an imaginary person that I want to blame. Maybe I just can't accept the fact she took her own life,I might just be mad at myself for not doing more. I'm sorry Dahlia,you deserved better. We all miss you,I will always miss you.





22 June



Dad is at it again. He keeps talking his head off about my "behavior". Not actually concern for my well-being,he found out about my Tumblr. "All this pride shit you keep posting. It's not appropriate for a kid to be seeing that stuff,Cass." I just started at him the entire time,more like glared honestly. We've had this talk more times than he's apologized. I just space out anytime I figure he's gonna start ranting again. It helps but I find myself being disappointed for not saying anything back. The spacing out trick has also started to become involuntary,I find myself doing it throughout most of the day even when I'm doing simple tasks. It's not a new trait of mine but it's peering into my habits more and more. I've already done research,it seems I'm not alone,I probably need to be checked. If only dad cared more about health than what I choose to call myself.







Like that would ever happen.

04 July



Summer break has come and gone. School's been on my mind lately,I graduated this year. I don't feel proud. I don't feel accomplished,could be the fact that I've been putting off the work to go to college. I didn't forget,just couldn't bring myself to imagine that future. Being a neuro-scientist sounds cool an' all but it's hard to picture myself having a career at all. It's hard to explain. I feel like a burden; I have no desire to work or "start a family". Dad had been bugging me with lectures on how I need to find a partner before it's "too late." Bullshit,I know that's not true but he's worked so much to raise me by himself. It's just all so overwhelming. Writing it out helps,kind of. I'm expressing how I feel but no one is listening. It makes me feel alone. Maybe it's how things are meant to stay.